


Constellation [1]

by decay_as_a_life_form



Series: Uncommon Words [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Melancholy Ending, and a prosthetic, i didn't even like the book that much, one of them has cancer, they are neighbours, they watch the stars together and fall in love, this was unintentionally inspired by the fault in our stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:02:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28553565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decay_as_a_life_form/pseuds/decay_as_a_life_form
Summary: con·stel·la·tion | \ ˌkän(t)-stə-ˈlā-shənthe configuration of stars especially at one's birth
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: Uncommon Words [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092029
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	Constellation [1]

**Author's Note:**

> This is also a birthday present for my aunt though I'll change the names before I give it to her.
> 
> This is actually the first prompt from a Prompt-list which I'm working on so expect more prompt-stories to be thrown at you in the future.
> 
> As always, thank you to my Angel for beta-reading and finding coincidences in my works that I never catch although I wrote them.
> 
> I'd also like to thank my friend (and resident nerd, u know who u are) who also beta-read this work.

Whenever Hongjoong couldn't sleep, he went outside.  
He would sit on his balcony with a cup of hot chocolate and look at the stars, smiling.  
Silently greeting the vast expanse of constellations.

There had never been much need for words, even when Seonghwa was still alive.  
Just sitting next to each other was enough.

Hongjoong missed the nights they sat on their balconies together.  
He vividly remembers the night they first met.

\----

Hongjoong had just finished moving in. He hadn’t met any of his neighbours yet.  
He knew that the neighbours on his left were an elderly couple – they had just disappeared in their flat when Hongjoong arrived – but the other neighbours were yet to be seen. 

By evening, there was a ridiculous amount of caffeine in Hongjoong’s system making it impossible for him to settle down. He had needed the extra energy for unpacking and was now only slightly regretting his high caffeine intake. 

When he stood up to get a glass of water, he noticed light coming from the balcony door. Curious, Hongjoong stepped closer.  
By the sounds of it, someone was rearranging furniture on their terrace.  
Wondering if his other neighbour was out, he stepped outside.

So they met on their balconies. Hongjoong in his pyjamas and his neighbour with something that smelled like hot chocolate in his mug.

"Oh, hello...", Hongjoong’s neighbour greeted with an insanely soft voice, "Did you just move in?"

"Yeah... sorry if it was loud...". Hongjoong winced as he remembered letting boards bang against the walls earlier.

"No worries, I didn't mind", the neighbour smiled.  
Hongjoong sighed in relief and sat down on the bean bag he had taken outside.  
This time he would have to buy furniture for his balcony. He put it on his mental checklist and looked up at the sky.

For a city, you sure could see a lot of stars, further proving why moving here was a good idea. Hongjoong let his eyes wander over the night sky, taking in the sight.  
He hadn't seen that many stars in a long time. The place he had been at before was too bright for them.

"The stars are beautiful, aren't they?", the man on the balcony asked quietly.  
Hongjoong yawned and nodded.

"You look pretty exhausted... Do you want a hot chocolate?", he offered.  
Hongjoong blinked in surprise, "Uh, sure?"

"Great, I'll make you one. Wait here", his neighbour said and disappeared into his flat.

Hongjoong chuckled. Like he would go anywhere else. He was quite comfortable lounging in his bean bag.  
So comfortable, that he even dozed off a little.

Hongjoong woke up when his neighbour let the door to his balcony fall shut.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Were you sleeping?", his neighbour asked.  
Hongjoong shook his head and got up to accept the mug of hot chocolate. He had to stretch a bit to take it.

"I'm Seonghwa, by the way", the man introduced himself.  
"Hongjoong, nice to meet you." He carefully took a sip of his drink, frowning when he burnt his tongue.

"Watch out, it's hot", Seonghwa said belatedly making Hongjoong snort.  
In the dimly lit night, Hongjoong had to hold the mug close to his face to see what it looked like.  
It was a dark colour and had a constellation with "Aries" written underneath.

"You're an Aries?", Hongjoong asked Seonghwa.  
His neighbour nodded, "What's your star sign?"

"Scorpio", Hongjoong answered.  
"What, is that not good?", he asked after seeing Seonghwa's face contort into a slight grimace.

"No no! It’s just that… Scorpios are usually the ones who mock me for believing in horoscopes..."  
"You believe in horoscopes?", Hongjoong asked incredulously.  
He had had a girlfriend like that once. She never shut up about it and disliked people by default if they had a star-sign that “wasn’t compatible” with hers.

"Well, not exactly", Seonghwa defended himself, "It's just… they're fun."  
Hongjoong laughed at that.  
"As long as you don't make excuses for yourself because 'it's your star-sign you can't help it' you're good."

"Oh God, no. Don't worry. I don't do that," Seonghwa hastily confirmed.

"Good."

A peaceful silence enveloped the two as they sat on their respective balconies, drinking hot chocolate. Every now and then a car passed the street below them but their gaze stayed up in the stars.

"Thank you for the hot chocolate". Hongjoong was nearly whispering, trying not to shatter the silence.  
Seonghwa smiled at him and took his mug back.

"I think I need some sleep...", Hongjoong confessed while stifling a yawn. It had been a long day. He had work in two days and knowing himself, his sleep schedule would be even worse if he didn't go to bed now.

"It was nice meeting you. Get some rest."  
Seonghwa put the empty mug next to his and waved.

He met Seonghwa in the hallway a few days later. Seonghwa was carrying groceries, Hongjoong was carrying his work-bag.  
It had been quite dark when he first met his neighbour so it took him a second to recognize him.  
Hongjoong was surprised to see that white clothing could actually look good on people. 

"Hello Hongjoong", Seonghwa greeted him.  
"Hi," Hongjoong fiddled with his keys while he tried to find a conversation starter. 

He watched as Seonghwa opened his own door, disappointed to see him disappear already.  
Hongjoong was prepared to step inside as well when Seonghwa spoke up.

"Will you watch the stars with me tonight?", he asked.  
Hongjoong was amazed at how soft Seonghwa managed to sound even during the day.

"Yeah, sure!", Hongjoong quickly replied, a smile blossoming on his face.

Seonghwa was already on his balcony when Hongjoong stepped out at night. There were two mugs of hot chocolate on Seonghwa's balcony table. The same ones, if Hongjoong saw correctly. 

They talked about the upcoming winter, how Hongjoong hated the cold and how much Seonghwa liked baking Christmas cookies. Seonghwa talked about the stars and Hongjoong talked about music.

The next time they met on their balconies, Hongjoong was insistent on climbing over to Seonghwa's place.

"Oh my God, please don't fall."  
Seonghwa was standing close to the railing, terrified of Hongjoong losing his hold.  
"Don't worry, it'll work", Hongjoong assured Seonghwa while carefully placing his foot on the neighbouring railing.

"Hongjoong, we're on the third floor. Just come round and I'll open my door. Seriously."  
He was watching Hongjoong nervously, right hand ready to grab him, should he fall.

“But that’s no fun!”, Hongjoong replied. His hands were nearly turning white from gripping the banister.

“See?”  
Hongjoong gave Seonghwa a cheeky grin once he was standing in front of him.  
“I made it. Everything’s fine.”

Seonghwa let out a deep breath.  
“This is the first and last time you’re doing this,” he scolded and lifted his left hand to brush his fringe out of his face.

Except that it wasn’t a real hand at all. It looked very robotic and was… bright white. 

“Your hand…”, Hongjoong began, amazed by how it looked.

"It's… a prosthetic."  
Seonghwa nervously held his hand up.

“It looks so cool, though? I never knew they made prosthetic hands like this?”

“It’s a prosthetic lower arm, actually. They used to make them similar to actual arms but they couldn’t function very well,” Seonghwa explained and pulled up his sleeve for Hongjoong to see. He stepped closer.

“Is that the Aries constellation?”  
Hongjoong tapped on the black stars marking the prosthetic.

Seonghwa nodded, “I got it customised.”

“That’s so fucking cool,” Hongjoong exclaimed.

Seonghwa gave Hongjoong a chair to sit on. They drank their hot chocolate and looked at the stars together.  
Hongjoong started a conversation about work, chatting about his co-workers. 

Seonghwa made no move to tell him how he got the prosthetic and Hongjoong didn’t ask. 

Hongjoong found himself enjoying Seonghwa’s company immensely. Apart from being the first friend he made in this area, they also had a lot of common interests and similar mindsets.  
He was thrilled to find out that Seonghwa liked art, although Seonghwa was more about admiring than creating it.

He had a few friends from work as well, but time spent with Seonghwa was by far his favourite.

“Are you sure you’re not in love with him?”

Hongjoong was getting coffee with his friend and co-worker, Jongho. Hongjoong had been talking about Seonghwa nonstop which was probably why Jongho decided to ask that specific question.

“Sorry, what?”, Hongjoong asked once the words registered.

“Just saying”, the singer shrugged, “You always talk about him and you mentioned that you let him hug you.”

Hongjoong shot him a look for the last comment.

“What?”, Jongho put his hands up in defence, “You always try to run away when Eden or Maddox try to hug you!”

“Yeah, okay… Fair.” Hongjoong sighed and sipped his coffee.  
Jongho stared at him for a bit until he picked the topic up again. “So… Do you love him?”

Hongjoong stared at his black coffee. “I guess I do,” he answered. Thinking about it now, it was quite obvious that he was in love with Seonghwa. He was in love with Seonghwa.

“Oh yeah, I love him. Oh wow. Oh… wait.”

Jongho chuckled when Hongjoong slumped down to put his head in his hands.

“Do you know if he likes you back?”, Jongho asked.  
That was a good question. Did Seonghwa like Hongjoong back? Hongjoong knew Seonghwa liked him. But did he like like him?

“Maybe? I don’t know.” Hongjoong propped his head up to look at Jongho. “Do you think it’s worth a shot?”

“Hmmm.” Jongho set his coffee mug down. “Well, best case scenario is: he’s in love with you and you two end up together, right?”

“Yeah, well…”

Seonghwa was such a sweet person, yet Hongjoong feared a rejected confession might destroy their friendship on his side.  
Being friends with his exes was not his forte and being friends with people who rejected him was basically the same, right? 

“But… what if he rejects me?” Hongjoong nervously tapped his mug.

Jongho raised a brow at him. “How likely do you think that is to happen?”

“Yeah… Not that likely…”

Jongho offered him a smile, “Go ask him out, Joong.”

Next Wednesday - after half a crisis - Hongjoong’s mind was set. He was going to ask Park Seonghwa on a date. Today.

After work, Hongjoong saw Seonghwa unlocking his apartment. He rushed to catch him before he disappeared.

"Seonghwa!” Hongjoong called, “Do you want to go on a date with me tomorrow?"  
He was slightly out of breath from running up the flight of stairs.

Seonghwa hesitated for a while, then said "I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, I'm sorry..."

That wasn’t a rejection, was it?

Seonghwa smiled apologetically.

“Oh, okay…“, Hongjoong fiddled with his sleeve, “I’ll ask you out sometime else then?”

Seonghwa nodded shortly and disappeared into his flat.

They didn’t watch the stars together that night.

The next evening, Hongjoong heard a knock on his door. Seonghwa was standing in front of his apartment with red-rimmed eyes and tear-tracks on his cheeks.

“Hey… Can I come in?”, he asked, voice breaking.

Hongjoong stepped aside to let him in. “Hwa, what happened?”

Seonghwa took off his shoes and wiped at his eyes as he took a shaky breath.  
Hongjoong led Seonghwa to his sofa and made him sit down. He went to fetch tissues and convenience store chocolate milk which he set down on the coffee table before joining Seonghwa on the sofa.

Hongjoong held out his arms for Seonghwa to cuddle. The older one gladly accepted.

Seonghwa sniffed, "It's cancer."  
Hongjoong's heart sank.  
"Always has been. It's how I lost my arm." 

Seonghwa reached for a tissue.  
"It was gone for a while but... When I went to the doctor three months ago, it was back.”  
“I don't have long, Joong. I'll be gone soon."

Hongjoong's throat felt incredibly dry.  
"How long?," he forced out.

"Two months," Seonghwa whispered, "At most."  
Hongjoong was blinking tears away.

"I don't want to die... not yet. There's so much I haven't seen yet, you know?"  
Hongjoong's chest suddenly felt very tight.

"I want to have kids and grow old. I want grand-kids or at least grand-pets that I can tell stories to. I know I can't have that."  
Seonghwa choked on a sob. 

"I know I can't have that and it hurts so so much. I see parents teaching their children to walk, I see people playing soccer with their friends, I see people buying their first house and I just- I can't have that. Because I'll die."  
"I'll die before I know the ins-and-outs of my neighbourhood, I'll die before I get to be an astrophysicist, I'll die before my nephew turns six and goes to school... I just wish... I just wish there was a way, you know? I just wish there was."

Hongjoong silently hugged Seonghwa as the older sobbed.  
Hongjoong was scared. He had just found a wonderful person and that person was going to die soon.  
It was terrifying. Like a punch to the gut.

He pulled the blanket up a bit more and hugged Seonghwa tighter.

"I'm so sorry." Hongjoong's voice broke. "I'm so sorry, I wish I could do something."  
He felt the first tears painting his face. "I wish I could do something to help."

Somewhere, in between all of the crying, Seonghwa fell asleep. Hongjoong let him sleep while he stared into space, trying to picture what a world without Seonghwa would look like.

When he woke up, Seonghwa told Hongjoong about a boy he had met in the hospital when he was first diagnosed with cancer. He had been sixteen, the boy fifteen.  
They had shared a room. The boy’s best friend would visit almost every day, sneaking in chocolate and sometimes bringing flowers.

“Tall kids,” Seonghwa said, “Very tall for their age.”

The younger boy didn’t make it. He died before Seonghwa left the hospital.

“I remember his best friend coming in for the last time to collect some stuff. He was crying so much.” Seonghwa stared off into the distance, recalling that particular day.  
“He sat on the boy’s bed for nearly an hour, hugging the teddy bear he gifted him.  
I think that’s when I realised how much I didn’t want to die.”  
A painful smile appeared on Seonghwa’s face.

“I guess you can’t always have what you want.”

Seonghwa had invited Hongjoong to watch the stars with him again.

Taking a deep breath, Hongjoong approached Seonghwa.  
“Remember when I asked you on a date?”

Seonghwa stared at him for a few seconds until realisation dawned on him. His voice was soft, laced with sadness and regret.  
“Hongjoong, no…”

“Yes,” Hongjoong said, determinedly staring at Seonghwa.

Seonghwa looked at his prosthetic.  
“I don’t want you to hurt”, he whispered, voice thick with pain and regret.

“What makes you think I won’t already hurt,” Hongjoong replied bluntly.  
“Besides,” he added, “you said I could ask you out another time, remember?”

“I… Are you sure?”

“Please.” Hongjoong held out his hand. “Let me- let us have this.”

Seonghwa looked at his hand for a few seconds until he took a deep breath and took it.  
“Okay.” He squeezed Hongjoong’s hand. “Okay, take me on a date.”

Hongjoong took him to a coffee shop.  
Cliché, but Seonghwa had mentioned that he loved the atmosphere of cafés. Hongjoong was quite surprised to find out Seonghwa didn’t actually drink coffee. 

“Too bitter”, he explained, taking another sip of his white hot chocolate, “Even with milk and sugar.”  
Hongjoong just stared and chuckled in amusement.

They walked past a flower shop later that day. Hongjoong saw Seonghwa gazing at it.

“What. Do you want me to buy you flowers?”

“No.” Seonghwa smiled. “Let me buy you flowers.”

Hongjoong wasn’t good at romantic gestures.  
He wasn’t great at receiving romantic gestures either but that did not mean he wasn’t touched when Seonghwa bought him an arrangement of lavender and paper daisies at the flower shop. 

He put them on his kitchen table once he was home.  
When they were about to wilt, Hongjoong put them up to dry in his kitchen where they stayed even after Seonghwa didn’t live in the flat next to his anymore.

Whenever Hongjoong looked at the stars, he imagined Seonghwa looking back at him. 

Seonghwa had always said he would turn into stardust once he was gone; joining countless other people who had passed away.


End file.
